Always Anna

After work yesterday, I went out to get a few beers with some coworkers. We sat around, ate nachos and soft pretzels, and I drank two giant mugs of beer before heading back to Harvard Square to meet up with the BF and six other friends. I had two more bottles of beer, and realized that a familiar pressure was rising up in my chest.

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really know how to burp. My body for some reason just doesn’t naturally do it. It’s not a lot of fun, especially when I have a few beers in me… I’m sure you’re all familiar with the carbonation pressure that beer causes. Anywho, it’s because of this that I’ve largely switched from beer to liquor - club soda and flavored vodka is WAY easier to get down.

So… when I felt the pressure in my stomach/chest last night, I figured I’d switch to my vodka soda drink. I had one (pretty strong) drink, and immediately realized that it was not the best idea I’d ever had. I felt a little bit queasy and off-center.

Time to go home.

So, I ditched everyone and walked home. 10 minutes later I was throwing my jacket and purse on the floor as I flew to the bathroom. Not fun. Liquid vomit. Etc., etc., etc…. and, mid throwing up, my nose started bleeding.

I was horrified. My nose never bleeds. EVER. But apparently the dry conditions in my office and apartment (thanks to the heat) were more than my tender tissue could take. I freaked out. I had no Kleenex, and toilet paper wasn’t doing anything but creating a mess.

It was then that I remembered a great scene in “She’s the Man”* where Viola (in disguise as her brother Sebastian) tries to cover up the presence of tampons in her bag by claiming they’re great for bloody noses and shoving one up her nose to demonstrate. It made sense to me… so I grabbed a Tampax, dumped the cardboard, and gently put the remaining cotton in my nostril.

It was totally ridiculous looking, and made it very difficult to drink water, eat my beloved Triscuits, and even breath in without getting a string in my mouth… but it worked!

And here I am. A girl that can’t handle 4 beers and puts Tampax in her nose.

I am so freakin’ cool.

* Yes, I saw this movie. And I liked it. Amanda Bynes was hilarious, and Channing Tatum was fine.