Always Anna

I LOVE going on vacation with my college girls.  It gives us time to relax, time to party, time to bond… and it always gives us about a million more memories.  Going to Newport this past weekend was no different.  We missed Nikki, but Alexis, Ali, Em and I had a blast.  My favorite memories of the weekend?

* Getting lectured by an older man about why we should admire “old money,” but should disdain “new money.”  He also told us that the best way to stop people from speeding down residential streets is to beat the car with a metal tricycle.  Old money thugs, yo!

* Driving around the streets late night, blaring Gnarls Barkley and honking at anyone crazy enough to get in our way.  It was so high school!

* Wandering around Thames, Bellevue, and the Cliff Walk.  Newport is just gorgeous.

* Yelling at Alexis as she passed out in the hotel room before we went out on Saturday night.  Headache, schmeadache!  She missed quite a night….

* Standing in line to get back inside the bar (if anyone can explain to me why there needs to be a line INSIDE the bar to get from room to room, I’d really appreciate it), and having a random skank dump a drink on my head! She seemed to think that we’d really like it if she and her two friends cut us in line.  As the head skank stepped all over my feet, Em & I maneuvered around to keep her from getting in front of us.  She proceeded to “accidentally” spill some of her drink on our arms.  I turned around and said, “Excuse me.  EXCUSE ME. Can you stop climbing all over me?”  She ignored me, so Em & I hip-checked her out of the way.  She proceeded to dump her rum & coke on my head.  I started laughing hysterically as Emily swung around and yelled, “What the FUCK bitch?” and shoved her so hard she fell back at least 6 feet.  Then I had Ali lick the rum off my arm - no point in wasting it, right? - as the bouncer ushered the three of us into the bar to get us away from the skanks.

* Ali getting into bed with a married man.  Who had a kid on the way.  No worries - she didn’t homewreck.

* The beach!  The sun!  The tanlines! The ridiculousness of the 40+ year old singer at ABC!

* Running into the boyfriend of a friend from college, who recognized Alexis from her blog, and proceeded to introduce her as “a tier-one New York City writer” to his friends. 

* Having a drunk guy tell us, very seriously, that he was a late breast-feeder, and that, “No child wants to give up the sweet nectar of his mother’s teat.”  Then watching him check out Alexis’ teats.  Hahahaha!

* Me screaming at a guy on the street, “Stop trying to give Alexis money!  She’s not a hooker!”

* Seeing a drunk girl passed out on Thames Street, with her skirt up around her waist and her hoo-ha hanging out for all to see.  No, it wasn’t Alexis.

* Fishing for Alexis off the bridge.

* Competing with Bob to see who could have a crazier weekend.  We won.

So.  There you have it.  A pretty random, and totally incomplete, summary of the weekend.  I would post pictures, but I don’t want to embarass anyone… including myself.  :)