Archive for April, 2006
Finally – Fart Free Beans!
I don’t know if anyone else remembers the A.L.T. and the Lost Civilization song “Refried Beans” – I think I’m the only one who ever even heard it.Â Since it’s one of the funniest songsÂ of all time, I’m thankful that it was on theÂ B-side of the much-more-famous “Tequila” single.Â Anyways, that’s the song that keeps running through my head anytime anyone mentions beans. (“…Momma’s up in the kitchen slapping, the dough together, mama mia, a bowl of beans and a fresh tortilla…”)
Okay, I have to through my tape collection and find the cassingle now.Â G’night!
Conversation from last night:
Josh: “Why do girls wear perfume anyways?Â If you’re trying to attract a guy, you shouldn’t smell like flowers.Â You should smell like… pizza.Â Or cheeseburgers.”
Laughter ensues as I say I would totally buy pizza-scented perfume.Â Of course, then I’d be hungry all the time…
An hour or so later, as I see Josh drooling over a piece of chocolate cake that a waitress carried by:
Me: “So, if a girl smelled like cake, would that be good?”
Josh: “Yeah.Â Chocolate mousse cake.Â Why don’t they make perfumes that smell like that?”
Me: “They do, actually.Â There’s even one that supposedly tastes like cake whenÂ you lick it off.Â Sadly, it’s made by Jessica Simpson, so I refuse to have anything to do with it.”
Josh: “Jessica Simpson?Â It must smell like whore cake.”
- I finally bowed under the pressure and joined MySpace.Â I’ve been on for two weeks now, and for the most part, I’m okay with it.Â I hate the layout, and run into error messages all the time, but there are a TON of people on there that just aren’t on Friendster.Â So that’s cool.Â However, I have serious issues with the fact that complete strangers keep trying to be friends with me.Â Are people really so desparate to increase their number of friends that they add people they don’t know?Â Weird.Â And what’s with all the fancy backgrounds that make it impossible to read the text?Â And those lame images people put in the comments sections that have pictures of monkeys swinging around in trees and say things like “You’re BANANAS!”?Â It’s so freakin’ bizarre.
- In other entertainment news, the BF and I finally got cable.Â Instead ofÂ 22 channels (8 of which were public access, and 3 of which were Spanish), we now have 74!Â Including Comedy Central!Â I’m watching a new episode of South Park RIGHT NOW!Â AND I have TLC, so I can watch What Not To Wear!Â AND I have MTV, so I can watch My Super Sweet 16!Â WOOHOO!!!!
Between MySpace andÂ Cable, my last two weeks have seen me sprawled on the couch, stalking people as I watch increasingly awful TV in my pajamas.Â I’ve also started over-using capital letters and exclamation marks.Â Sorry ’bout that, people.
Remember the Soup Nazi?Â I know you do.Â Well imagine this, if you can:
InsteadÂ of a man with a mustache, picture a middle-aged woman.Â Instead of refusing to let you eat soup, imagine that eating popcorn has been banned.Â Now cut to me, throwing an internal temper tantrum.Â
Ever since I discovered the single-serving popcorn bags about 2 years ago, I’ve been in heaven.Â You see, I’m obsessed with salty foods.Â Forget candyÂ and cookiesÂ and granola bars – my favorite snacks are crackers with cheese and chips with dip.Â So I have a hard time dealing with afternoon snack time – it’s just too much work to deal with cheese and dips at work.Â Enter popcorn.Â Mmmmm… salty goodness.
So imagine my horror at finding out today that popping popcorn in the office kitchen has been banned by the higher ups.Â I’m freaking out.Â No popcorn for me? What the h*ll am I going to eat in the afternoons now?
The Gap has come up with the best invention EVER:
A halter top with a REAL bra instead of a stupid elastic band.Â I look D*MN good in this!
And even though Brett is giving me a heart attack by taking so long to make his decision, I am totally still in love with him:
“I know I can still play. My confidence has been shot a little bit, there’s no doubt. I had a lot of chances to pull us out of the fire last year and I didn’t do it. My confidence is in question a little bit. Some will understand that. Some won’t. But it’s the truth. I can’t tell you what people are going to say. They can believe what they want. But the people that know me also know that I’m a team player. I have to make a total commitment. It’s not just what (the Packers) are going to do. It’s what I honestly can give to the team. I’ve never (half-assed) anything my entire life. I’m not going to start now. When I put on the uniform I can’t help but be a competitor. It’s in my blood.”Â Â
I took a break from obsessing over boys that turn down sex to obsess over something much more real and dramatic… America’s Next Top Model.
This is the ONLY “reality” show that I deem to be worth my time, as the rest focus too much on women making @sses of themselves for men or money.Â Women making @sses of themselves to be a model however… that’s entertainment! (Disclaimer: I don’t consider “Project Runway” to be “reality” TV, so I watch that show too.Â But whatever… that’s a different topic for a different day.)Â
At any rate – I’m SO PISSED OFF that they dumped Mollie Sue!Â She was so fun and different and spunky!Â AND JADE IS STILL HERE!Â ARGH!Â I HATE HER HATE HER HATE HER!Â
Whew.Â Got that out of my system.
Here’s the thing about Jade that ticks me off – she’s the girl on the show that constantly says ridiculously stupid, mean, condescending things… and really doesn’t seem to realize that she’s being a b*tch.Â She says things like, “I’m not here to make friends.Â I’m here to win!” (Because clearly, you can’t be nice AND win) and “When people first meet me they think I’m a b*tch.Â But the people that KNOW me know that’s not true. I’m really grounded and real!” (Ummm, Jade, if the only people that “like” you are people that have known you for years, that doesn’t mean you aren’t a b*tch.Â It just means they’ve gotten used to your horrifying personality.)
I’m appalled.Â Now that Mollie Sue is gone, I lost one of my top four favorites in this cycle.Â Danielle, Nenna, and Leslie… you’re all I’ve got left.
For fabulously fun reviews of ANTM, may I suggest fourfour?Â Hilarious!Â Sadly, yesterday’s recap isn’t up yet… but I eagerly await!
Whenever I go out withÂ my friend “G”Â (perhaps you’ll remember her from here?), something really entertaining happens. She’s the kind of girl that turns every nightÂ out into a night of debauchery… perhaps it’s her love of red-headed sluts?
At any rate, we went out with four other girls last night,Â and I spent theÂ night drinking, dancing,Â trying to text people (only to find out this morning that nothing went through because I had no cell reception in the basement dance area), and yelling at strangers about the horror show that professional football has become.Â I definitely scared at least 3 randoms.Â Around 2 AM (or 3 AM if you count the time change), I found myselfÂ heading homeÂ with G andÂ a hippie boy.
I had encouraged G to bring the Hippie home – he was pretty cute, and had been flirting with her all night.Â Â After a loooonnnngggg cab ride during which they made out and I tried not to stare, we finally got back to G’s place. G took the Hippie up to herÂ room, and I settled down to sleep off my drunkenness in Nikki’s room (she’s one of G’s roommates, and was visiting her boyfried for the weekend).Â I was totally looking forward to hearing about the hook-up this morning – G has a great way of telling stories, and always cracks me up.
I woke up this morning completely hung-over (I need to stop mixing different kinds of booze!), and immediately staggered into the bathroom to find some Advil.Â G was just on her way out the door, about to drive the Hippie home, so I threw myself back in bed, waiting for her to return and entertain me with stories of sex and drama.Â Sadly, this was not the case – instead, I was completely stupefied by the first words out of her mouth.
“He wouldn’t sleep with me!”
“What do you mean, he wouldn’t sleep with you?”
“Well, we went upstairs and started making out, and things were going normally… but then when we were naked and fooling around, IÂ went to… you know… f*ck.Â And he said, ‘I don’t do that.’”
“What?Â He doesn’t have sex?Â He’s a virgin?”
“NO!Â He said, ‘I don’t believe in random sex.Â It’s more of a third date kind of thing for me. Haha.’”
“Are you freakin’ kidding me? Why the hell did he come home and get naked with you?Â And why was he talking about sex all night?”
“I KNOW!Â And then he tried to get me to go down on him!Â So I told him I didn’t do that.”
And so it went.Â I am really at a loss here – who the hell goes home with someone after talking about sex all night (seriously, he was all about talking about it), gets completely naked, and then announces that they don’t have sex?Â Shouldn’t that kind of thing come up before the nakedness?Â And doesn’t this make the hippie a tease?Â Plus, aren’t vegan, anti-car, ultra-liberal hippies supposed to be all about free love, or something?
When G dropped him off at home, the Hippie grabbed her cell and put his number in, telling her to call him.Â We couldn’t decide if this was a good idea or not… what do you think?
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