Always Anna

Actually, eff that. I am the champion, my friends!

As you may recall, I fell in love with fantasy football this past season. It was fun, fun, fun to match my football wits against 5 other girls. I loved our posting board, full of things that I can pretty much guarantee no league with boys would post about. I loved talking fantasy with my fellow GMs – Triple D, Fast Gurls, Philosopher Kings, Beantown Busters, and Baby Daddies. But it was I – the phenomenal Golden GRRLs – that stormed back from last place in the league to become the Champion. That’s right – I won it all.

Now, my league didn’t play for money. No, we are way too classy for that. Instead, we played for drunkenness – the losers had to take the champ (moi!) out for dinner and drinks. Luckily for them, I have ridiculously low tolerance.

We celebrated my reign as champ on Saturday night, starting out with dinner at my favorite restaurant and then drinks at a number of Harvard Square bars. Mmmm… booze. I was drunk. And silly. And flashing cleavage in dive bars. But it was fun, and – best of all – it was free for me! I love winning.

The night ended with me laughing hysterically at a condom machine in the ladies room:

It was a good night.

Note to self: When hanging out in Providence, remember that there are only two bars you really like in the city. And that they tend to have lines. Especially when the town is over-run with drunk PC grads….

I spent Saturday night in Providence, celebrating the fact that I’ve now been out in the real world for four years. I knew that most of the people from my class wouldn’t return for the young alumni weekend – next year is the big one, and it’s not like we know anyone actually AT PC anymore. Even the freshman we knew as seniors have graduated now. But my favorite girls and I used the event as an excuse to get together and drink heavily, which is always fun.

I’m sure you don’t care about our phat hotel room (yes, I did just say “phat”) or the fabulous shopping. The night really started when we went to dinner at Union Station Brewery – good drinks and food, and the added bonus of running into some college friends. We managed to get a little buzzed at dinner, then Ali and I went off on a mission to find a liquor store so we could drink in our room while getting ready. When we returned, semi-victorious (got the booze, but had to compromise on the mixer since apparently no one believes in carrying club soda), the radio was already blaring and there were half-naked beauties in our room. Schweet.

Ali, Nikki, Em & I drank, danced and dressed for the next hour and a half. Which was apparently too long of a time, since when we got to McFadden’s at 10:30 there was already a line around the block. After some hemming and hawing, we decided to stand in line for a little bit while we discussed other options. So we stood there. And tried to think of somewhere else to go that wouldn’t have a line. And stood there. And complained about how we didn’t “do” lines. And stood there. FOR AN HOUR. The only line movement was people leaving because they were tired of waiting. Finally, Ali took control, and led us to the bar across the street, which I HATE. But at least it had booze.

A couple of over-priced drinks and shots later, we all felt much better. Better enough that we decided to attempt the other bar we liked – Ri Ra. We ran over, with Ali yelling like a crazy person (I think the 2 foot tall mojito went to her head. Either that, or she thought she was Alexis), just in time to watch the last of the line go inside. We figured we had arrived at the perfect time, strolled up to the bouncer while reaching for our IDs, and almost fell over in horror as some old guy came out and said nobody else was getting in. At all. We argued for a minute, and tried to persuade the bouncer to let us in anyways, but it was a no go.

But then, our luck changed. A couple of friends came out looking for us! We immediately crossed the plaza to go drink at Union Station. Drinks. Shots. Laughter. Drinks. Nasty shots. The bar closed and we split up – our friends went to a house party, Nikki & Em went back to the room, and Ali & I wandered the streets looking for another bar, then food, then the hotel.

Good times.

It wasn’t the craziest weekend I’ve ever had. It wasn’t the drunkest weekend I’ve ever had. And it wasn’t the best shopping weekend I’ve ever had. But it was a lot of fun. And it gave me a great opportunity to reflect back on college, and how much my friends and I have grown since then. Sure, sometimes I miss the debauchery of being an undergrad. But I wouldn’t trade where I am now for anything. And that’s a great feeling.

Here it is, folks, the list you’ve all been waiting for! What’s that? You can’t remember what you were waiting for? Well, luckily for you, I do! This here list will officially declare which famous people I can have an affair with, without my boyfriend getting upset. Perhaps you’ve seen the episode of Friends where Ross & Rachel make their lists, and Ross’ “alternate” is Isabella Rosselini? If not, you should watch it – it’s hilarious. Anyways, I saw this episode with my boyfriend last week, and we discussed who would be on our list. It’s an eye-opening experience, folks. And here’s my list, for your enjoyment. (And if you’re actually on the list, give me a call. It would really be for your enjoyment. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)

5. Taye Diggs. Mmmm… so smooth. So perfect. And that voice! Mmmm….

4. Steven Tyler. To me, he is rock and roll. I think he could teach me things.

3. George Clooney. So hot. So funny. So cool. I don’t think there’s a woman alive who could resist him.

2. Brett Favre. Shut up. He’s not old, he’s just experienced. And if he retires (please, NO!), I’ll no longer have a professional athlete to lust after. Sigh.

1. Matthew McConaughey. You already knew this, and I don’t feel the need to explain in further detail. But here’s a fun tidbit – when I see him on-screen without a shirt, I involuntarily grunt, “Uhhhhhhhh….”

Unlike Ross’ list, this isn’t laminated. I reserve the right to change my mind at any time.

Not much to say, but since I’m home sick from work, I figured I should post something. You know, so my day is semi-productive.

All I know is that it seems like a waste of a perfectly good sick day to actually be home sick. And it’s gross and windy and rainy outside, so I can’t even take my sick self out shopping. Sigh. At least I have Nick and Nora, in some of the best movies of all time, to keep me company.

I think I’ll take a nap now…

The issue of whether a TV show has “jumped the shark” is obviously purely subjective. But I got to thinking this morning about whether my favorite TV shows (of all time) ever jumped the shark (or if they will soon). Here’s my final analysis:

5. The O.C. – As you all know, The O.C. is one of my favorite shows currently on the air. It’s now partway through it’s third season, and I was recently discussing with some friends whether it has already jumped the shark. Some people say it jumped last season, some people say it jumped in the first episode (which shows a ridiculous misunderstanding of what jumping the shark means, if you ask me). Me? I say it hasn’t jumped yet. But if they decide to put Julie Cooper and Mr. Roberts together, which is where they seem to be heading, I’ll have to agree that the show jumped. And I’ll have to stop watching.

4. South Park – My other favorite current show, which I don’t get to see often because I am too cheap to pay for Comedy Central. But I do get to watch it occasionally, thanks to the generosity of friends who allow me to control the remote at their houses, which allows me to say that this show is awesome, and that it hasn’t jumped the shark yet. I don’t really think they ever will – because the show is based on making fun of current events, as long as there are things to be made fun of, South Park will still be fabulous.

3. The Cosby Show – I grew up loving this show. I still love the reruns, and watch it whenever I stumble across it. But the show did jump the shark, and while there are good arguments for a number of events (Denise returning, Olivia, Saundra’s horrifying presence), I have to say that for me, the event that ruined the show was the introduction of Elvin. He was unbearable to watch and impossible to like, and he killed the great family dynamic that the show was about. I refuse to watch episodes with him in it; I will change channels mid-episode if he walks onscreen. He is the anti-Cosby.

2. Friends – First off, stop insulting me for putting Friends near the top of my list. I loved – LOVED – this show. The characters were great, the story was believably unbelievable (if you know what I mean), and it was almost always hilarious. But, sadly, my Friends did jump the shark. Not when Ross & Rachel got together for the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd time; and not when Chandler & Monica got together – these were events that they foreshadowed from the very beginning. But when they decided to try out a romance between Joey & Rachel, I almost had a coronary. I didn’t stop watching the show – I was addicted by then, and I still had Chandler to make me laugh – but it was painful to watch. I still hate seeing reruns of those episodes, although I can deal because I know that things end up the way they should. But still… whose brilliant idea was that? Ugh.

1. I Love Lucy – As far as I’m concerned, I Love Lucy is the best comedy that was ever on TV. It was consistently hilarious, even in the bizarre Little Ricky and Connecticut years. Each of these events just opened up new doors to hilarity that the show hadn’t been able to have before. Remember the chicken episode? Brilliant! So, my opinion on jumping the shark? Never happened.

I think I need to go buy I Love Lucy on DVD.

Lately, I’ve been kind of dragging myself around, too tired to motivate myself to do anything.

I’ve gotten tired of all my favorite things. My favorite foods – cheese, crackers, and pizza – don’t excite my stomach anymore. My favorite jeans – my True Religions – don’t make me feel as hot anymore. My favorite musicians – The Beatles and Ani DiFranco – don’t make me feel like closing my eyes and singing along. Friends reruns aren’t making me cackle in glee. My favorite sports teams – the Packers, the Lakers, and the Trojans – all disappointed me this year (although the Lakers still have a shot to make me happy, if they at least make the playoffs). The OC (at least, the last couple episodes I saw) isn’t making me gasp in shock. I don’t feel like reading. Even Sudoku isn’t really entertaining me.

I think I’m in the Doldrums. Please, PLEASE, help me escape. I need to re-find my spark.

I’m still recovering from Saturday night. Silly New Yorkers, and your staying up until 7 am. Crazy!

So with that, here are some things to think about:

A common and widespread form of capital punishment in olden times was known as “pitification”, where fools, sometimes in large numbers were brought before Mr. T and pitied to death. Later, the process was deemed too messy and inhumane. Thus, impalement and crucifixion were invented.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80s.

And that, dear readers, is all I’m good for today. Thanks to http://www.4q.cc for the fun.

I was going to skip this, as I am still in mourning over the USC loss. But then I decided to let y’all know my New Year’s Resolutions! Okay, okay… stop cartwheeling with joy. I resolve to:

5. Start a savings account. Seriously. This is the year. I know it is ridiculous that I have no money stocked away for an emergency, unless you count my change jar. So this year, I am going to figure out a savings plan! I feel so responsible.

4. Start saying “y’all” more often. I figure that since I’m from southern California, it’s okay for me to talk like a Southerner. And “y’all” is such a great word. Fast Gurl and DDD – please encourage me on this one, as I’m sure everyone else will ridicule me.

3. Get my driver’s license. Finally. Ten years after I became eligible. I’m saving the story about my lack of a driver’s license for another time, but after a year in which I actually cared that I didn’t drive, this is the year of action! Watch out Boston… Anna’s going to be practicing driving! Beep beep!!!!

2. Get out of credit card debt. Another grown up resolution, which is kind of depressing. But being in debt sucks, so I am devising a plan to get out completely, even if that means I need to get a part-time job. 2006 – the last year Anna owed money!

1. Visit New York City more often. Or at least the same amount – about once per month. I’ll be kicking off this resolution with a whirlwind trip tomorrow night, to celebrate The Post Show’s DVD. And some guy with a fro’s birthday.

I was going to wait until I downloaded all my pictures from the weekend to post, figuring that I’d write a wonderfully witty and illustrated post about the debacle that was New Year’s. But the sad fact is that I have been way too tired to deal with connecting my new dig-cam to my computer. So no photos for you. I’m also too tired to be witty. So no wit for you. Ha!

As I mentioned before, I rented a house in Vermont for New Year’s – me and 26 of my closest friends. It was both fun and horrifying – a dichotomous weekend, you could say. Here’s the tale:

It started out sloppy on Thursday – 6 people in 2 cars caravaning from Boston to Mount Snow to pick up the house keys from the realtors. Unfortunately, a late start, a ton of traffic, and crappy weather delayed our arrival, so that we were not the first to get there. Or the second. Or the third. A total of 8 people got the house THREE HOURS before we did with the keys. They made the most of it though, and sat around in the cold drinking beers. Mmm… frosty. Anyways, we all flew inside to the nicest house I’ve ever seen. Way too nice for us. So we all picked beds, moved our stuff inside, and set about putting away all the breakables. I needed to protect my security deposit, after all.

And then the debauchery began. More people arrived, the hot tub was warmed up, bizarre board games/drinking games got started, and the music got pumped up. There were naked guys, empty beer cans, and, later that night, the distinctive sound of people making out in the living room. Nince start to the weekend, right?

Friday dawned to crappy weather, so most of us didn’t bother venturing out. Fast forward past tons of eating, movies, board games, and napping to Friday night. The LSU bowl game started at 7:30 (I think), and everyone was drinking. (Note that some people started drinking with breakfast, but those of us that are sane waited until the game.) LSU kicked butt, which was good since we had two die hard fans in our midst – I know from experience that they suck to hang out with when their team loses. But I digress. We started drinking and hanging out, with a short bar-hopping trip thrown in. Then back to the house for dancing & hot tubbing… good times, no? But then, around 2 am, IT happened.

Someone threw up.

Then another person.

Then another.

Someone had infected our house with the plague – vomit, crap, and snot filled the house. By Saturday morning, only 7 of us were still healthy. 19 people went down. Like any sane person, I fled the house of death with Alexis and BGA to go explore the countryside on snowshoes. Which was awesome. I’d post a hot photo of us here, but, as I said before, I’m too lazy to download it. Maybe I’ll do it later.

We managed to stay out of the house until around 5 pm, when we (somewhat reluctantly) returned to face the plague. Most people felt better – except for our friend Em, who was also “celebrating” her 26th birthday. As our pal Gobo put it, “Happy Birthday! I got you the Ebola virus!” It may be needless to say that Saturday night, New Year’s Eve, was not a crazy sex-fest. I still had fun, since I was surrounded by some of my favorite people, but I kept wondering if I was going to be stricken with the Ebola.

Sunday dawned with the majority of our house feeling much better. But the virus, not willing to let go, infected another 3 people. More vomit. Sweet. A lot of people left for good this day, trying to escape the disease; those of us that stayed entertained ourselves for 5 hours with an awesome boys vs. girls Trivial Pursuit match. Obviously the girls kicked butt. This was followed by movies, Scrabble, and napping. By the end of the day, we had 10 exhausted people left in the house.

We left Monday morning, and I have been wondering ever since: WHO THE H*LL DISEASED EVERYONE? If I find out, I’m kicking his/her *ss.

Happy 2006, everyone!