Always Anna

I’m an enigma, ladies and gentlemen. A study in contrasts.

After posting my embarrassing and crude stories on Friday, I spent all weekend unshowered in “tomboy” wear (jeans and t-shirts or football jerseys). I didn’t even brush my teeth between Saturday morning and Sunday night. So after I got myself all clean this morning, I decided to rebel against my weekend grossness. I dressed like a lady today.

This is not my usual work look, my friends. In general, my fall/winter work-wear consists of slacks of some kind with sweaters or collared shirts. Just basic, professional looking clothes, you know? But today is a different story. Today, I’m wearing a knee-length tweed skirt, with kicky pleats at the bottom so that it swishes when I walk, a sleek black turtleneck, and round-toe 3-inch heels. I topped this off with a black velvet blazer, but since my office stays at 72 degrees, it’s too warm to wear it indoors. I’m so… girly. I feel like I could be a character in “How to Marry a Millionaire” with Marilyn Monroe, Lauren Bacall, and Betty Grable. It’s so fun!

I’m sure you don’t care about what I’m wearing. But I’m so entertained by the many sides of my wardrobe that I don’t care. I’m dressed like a girl today. So I’m going to talk about it.

I’m not one of those people that embarrass that easily, which is something that I’m supremely grateful for. Perhaps it’s because I have a pretty ridiculous sense of humor - I’ve always been able to laugh at myself. However, even us cool cats have been horrifyingly embarrassed at some point or another….

5. Ah, public farts. They’re embarrassing, for sure. Even more so when you’re the new student in 6th grade and it’s the third day of school and you still don’t really know anybody that well and you let out a ridiculously loud fart while doing sit-ups in P.E. Seriously. I’m shocked that I still made friends.

4. So, I have this cute pair of work pants. They’re black, with kind of wide legs and a cuff. I wear them with heels - have too, because they’re long. And sometimes, when I’m walking, the heel from one shoe somehow gets caught in the cuff of the opposite leg. And I trip. Most of the time I catch myself, but last week I fell. And landed on my face in the middle of the office. In front of the Vice President. I know, I know - I’m really cool.

3. And speaking of falling… I slipped on the stairs at the Harvard T stop this morning, and did a stair-skid down about 11 steps, before breaking my fall on a 50 year old guy in a suit. Luckily, he had better balance than I did, so I didn’t end up on top of him on the ground. Just smashed up against him. Sigh.

2. Freshman year of college - that time in my life when I acted like a jack*ss in the school cafeteria on a regular basis. One time, however, my foolishness accidentally ended up embarrassing me. Imagine it: I was sitting at the front of the cafeteria, in the chair right next to the main aisle that people come in. My friend couldn’t see if the boy she had a crush on was at his normal table, and didn’t want to take the risk of looking, in case he was. I announced that I’d scope out the situation, stood up, and started looking around the cafeteria. After a couple of minutes, I located the hot boy and turned back to my friend to tell her where he was. Then, I turned to point him out, as I lowered myself back to my chair. Sadly, the turning and sitting at the same time was too much for my uncoordinated self, and I ended up on the very edge of the chair, which promptly shot out from under me, clattering into the main aisle. I landed on my butt, where I promptly broke into hysterical laughter. Alexis immediately started laughing as well - and if you’ve heard Alexis laugh, you know it draws attention. It also made me laugh harder, which made it impossible to get up. So I sat, laughing like a maniac, on the floor of the cafeteria, while people literally stepped OVER me to get around, and everyone else stared. Ah… good times.

1. A couple of years ago, when my boyfriend and I first started dating, we were wrestling on the couch. Well, to be precise, he was tickling me, and I was shrieking and trying to get away. Eventually, I managed to sit on top of him, thinking that would save me. It didn’t. I kept telling him that if he didn’t stop, I was going to wet my pants. Luckily, I didn’t lose control of that… but I did lose control and let out an enormous fart. That would have been embarrassing enough - too bad I was still sitting on him at the time, and I ended up farting in his lap. I have NEVER been more mortified.

And, that’s all the news that’s fit to print. Peace out, my lovelies.

Like Dashiell and Helen, I’ve entered the world of the crazies. I’ve signed up to write a novel in 30 days.

All I have is a vague idea for the book and a crippling case of writer’s block. In order to meet the 50K word minimum for success, I have to write 47,000 words in 27 days. That’s… um… 1,741 words a day. I don’t see how I could possibly do that.

Ah well. At least I’ll have something to do while watching Friends reruns every day.

The Packers may be killing my soul, but my fantasy team is officially making a comeback! Woohoo! And I just won my office football pool! Double woohoo!

I’m taking my winnings to Filene’s and buying a new work bag. Nothing is cooler than combining football and shopping. Ooh, unless you can work some food in there….

And on that note, I’m leaving you with the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while:

At Hong Kong’s on Saturday night, Emily slurred/yelled, “I’m a high maintenance PRINCESS, and I get what I WANT!” Maybe you’d have to know Drunk Emily to find this as hilarious as I did… but trust me. It was hysterical.