Archive for November, 2005
I tried – I really tried – to get a novel done this month. I thought it would be fun, exciting, and would fill me with a sense of accomplishment.
Alas, writer’s block, life, and laziness got in the way. I froze up. Couldn’t think of things for my main character to do. And instead of working through it, I played around online, or shut the computer off and went out, or vegged on the couch while watching Julia Roberts movies. This is how, while I aimed for 50,000 words in a month, I only got 22,000.
On the bright side, I did finish up a movie review for The Better Drink – this month I did a “New on DVD” film, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. So at least I accomplished something.
And there’s always next year to finish my novel, right?
meeting smile after smile,
And on every street corner you’ll hear:
Silver bells, silver bells,
It’s Christmas time in the city.
hear them ring,
soon it will be Christmas day…
Christmas is, without a doubt, my favorite holiday. However, even more than I like Christmas day, I like the month before Christmas. For the month in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I love the world.
I love seeing people in good moods, smiling at strangers instead of shoving past them. I love the Salvation Army Santas. I love hauling out my box of decorations and turning my apartment into an overly-decorated space. I love seeing the fancy decorations in the stores. I love curling up on the couch with some hot chocolate or chai latte and watching Christmas movies. I love baking holiday cookies while playing “A Very Special Christmas” on the CD player. I love all holiday music. I love finding the perfect holiday cards to send out to my friends and family. I love shopping for the perfect presents to give people, and then wrapping them up in bright paper and ribbon. And, I’m not going to lie, I like ripping through cheerful paper to open up the presents that people give me.
I love this season. And I wish all of you a happy holiday season!
Poop asked some good questions in Friday’s post. Since I’m feeling lazy today, I’m answering them here instead of writing a real post. Deal with it!
Is it less gay to buy the Rent movie soundtrack than the Rent broadway musical soundtrack?
Ummm… only very slightly. And that goes for everyone – there’s something really scary about people that own the soundtracks to plays. But MOVIES are a different story.
What goes through a guy’s head when he’s pointing a camera at his bathroom mirror with one hand and lifting up his shirt to reveal his abs with his other hand for a new Myspace profile picture?
I can only imagine that a guy like this has absolutely NO idea of what girls want. Here’ s a hint – stop trying so hard! If you have that good of a body, find a freakin’ photo of you on the beach. It looks less fake.
Would you want to be friends with a guy who gets into Johnny Cash because of “Walk The Line” a year after he got into Ray Charles because of “Ray”?
I don’t have a problem with this – I think that anything that helps people “rediscover” true artists is good. Although, quite frankly, I don’t think I know any guys that didn’t already like Johnny Cash.
Did they choose the name Yuengling just to make it really difficult for you to order one when you’re wasted at 3:50 in the morning?
Definitely. I’m ignoring the comment that said it was the founder’s name.
Is there any correlation between girls who saw New Kids On The Block in concert and girls who saw Titanic more than 3 times in the theater?
Sadly, I never got to see NKOTB in the theater. But I would have if my mom had let me. And, as an NKOTB fan, I am horrified that anyone would equate us with those sappy fools that thought Titanic was that good. It stunk.
Would you think less of me if I told you I was watching Titanic on showtime while writing this?
Yes. There’s no excuse for that, Poop!
Why do movie commercials say, “Now playing, only in theaters!”? Where else would it be playing? Who gets confused?
People are stupid. That’s all I have to say about that.
Should the first girl who flashes her boobs at Mardi Gras this year be deemed a Saint for returning normalcy to the region?
Sure. And I volunteer Alexis!
Am I the only guy in new York who doesn’t play the guitar?
Ladies: what’s the average number of times you have to stop a guy from going for the shocker before he actually gives up on it?
All I have to say is that guys are freakin’ gross. I think one time is enough, but I still do not understand why on earth anyone would think that was sexy. Seriously – it’s gross. So, perhaps a better question is – why on earth do guys try to do this in the first place? Ugh.
Why do we have signs on the subway for 1-800-IMMIGRATION? Why are there 4 extra letters on there? Why can’t we just make it 1-800-IMMIGRA? They’re immigrants! They won’t know the difference!
I’m not a New Yorker, so I don’t think I’m qualified to answer this one.
Married people: So is it true or not- do you really stop having sex after marriage? Stop joking around about this, we need an answer.
Not my area of expertise.
Would you think less of me if I told you that in 1997 I bought the cassette single of “MmmBop”? Only semi-ironically.
I love cassingles! And I think it’s AWESOME that you bought MmmBop. Of course, the real question now is – do you still have it? I hope so!
Cool or creepy: Dan and I wanted to call Laguna High last year and ask the principal “When do your high school girls go to Cabo on Spring Break?”
Creepy. They aren’t even 18 yet! Or are they? I don’t watch that show. Well, either way, they’re still too young for you!
Why do most drug stores force you to walk through the toy aisle to get to the condom section?
The eternal question. You’ll also notice that condoms are always next to pregnancy tests. Nice.
Does E! really need a news ticker?
I think that the news on E! is more important than knowing the status of the stock market every second, so… yes. It needs one more than the stock exchanges. But less than the fantasy sports ticker on CBS.
How come you don’t have to pass a test to be able to vote but you have to pass a test to work at the Gap?
Our country clearly doesn’t care about having educated people make decisions. Look at our j*ck*ss president.
Have you ever started doodling something, and somehow out of nowhere you end up drawing a swastika? So immediately you try to turn it into something else, like a kite, but it’s still obviously a swastika?
Hasn’t happened to me. Of course, most of my doodles are hearts and flowers. Not because I’m that girly, but because I stink at drawing real things, but hearts and flowers are easy.
What are you more uncomfortable ordering: tsunami rolls or gumbo?
I love gumbo. Love it. So I guess, by default, I’d have to say tsunami rolls.
I can not stand Paris Hilton. I think that she’s shallow, stupid, and annoying. And I swear, if one more person tries to defend her by saying that she’s just putting on an act for the press, I’ll have to throw up. Since when is it better to act like a moron? It’s not like it makes her more attractive! Anyways, I recently discovered that the top 5 reasons I hate Paris are summarized quite nicely in her latest attempt at “writing” – Your Heiress Diary: Confess It All To Me (which, thanks to Alexis’ “generosity,” I have recently acquired.) All of the following are direct quotes from this book.
5. “Try not to date guys your friends have dated. It’s disloyal – but worse than that, it’s unoriginal.”
Who actually thinks that it’s worse to be unoriginal than a bad friend? I can now see why she has to keep swapping out best friends. Jerk.
4. “If you can’t think of what to say when someone asks your opinion, say one of two things: 1.) ‘Cute!’ or 2.) ‘Loves it!’ ”
Okay, I know she’s a moron. But now she’s telling other people to be too? That’s, like, so NOT hot!
3. “If people aren’t nice to you, they’re jealous.”
As opposed to people being mean/rude/not-ass-kissing because they don’t like you. UGH! I am so tired of these women that say they don’t have women friends because girls are always jealous of them. That is, quite frankly, one of the most egotistical thing that can come out of a person’s mouth. While there are clearly *ssholes out there, odds are that if a lot of people aren’t nice to you, it’s because you suck. Deal with it.
2. “If you don’t know the answer to a question, smile your most beautiful smile and everyone will forget the question.”
Again with promoting stupidity! Hey Paris – nothing wrong with smiling, but NO ONE forgot the question. And instead of thinking that you just don’t know the answer to one question, we now think you’re a completely empty-headed bimbo.
1. “One of my heroes is Barbie. She may not do anything, but she always looks amazing doing it.”
Okay, in the first place: Barbie has about a million jobs. She’s a doctor, a business-woman, an airline pilot, a flight attendant, a veterinarian, a teacher, a pro basketball/soccer player, a ballerina, a gymnast, a queen, and has even run for president. She does everything, and actually tries to show girls that they can be whatever they want to be. Paris, on the other hand, does nothing all day, and tell girls that it’s okay to act like an idiot. And she has hideous clothes. However, I must thank Paris for this quote. It sums up EXACTLY why I hate her.
For it’s 2oth anniversary issue of “The Sexiest Man of the Year,” People Magazine named Matt. And ohmilord, I am drooling on my keyboard.
I volunteer to be the sweat he breaks today. And tomorrow. And FOREVER.
I’ll be running out to buy this issue immediately.
Jones Soda, the Seattle company that scored a hit during the last two holiday seasons with its turkey-and-gravy-flavored sodas, said it is offering the orange-hued fish-flavored drink this year in a nod to the Pacific Northwest’s salmon catch.
I can’t even imagine why people would want to drink this. Fish flavored soda? Ew.
Jones Soda is crazy – other flavors they have include Broccoli Casserole and Brussels Sprout with Prosciutto. Because we definitely need more of those flavors in the world. In fact, I feel sick just thinking about Brussels Sprout (which, it must be said, taste like smelly gym socks).
Anyways, I probably won’t be posting again until Friday – there’s just so much to do, and so little time! Until then, mon amis!
I have loved – LOVED – Aerosmith for as long as I can remember. Aerosmith has been my ideal of what a rock band should be – they’re crazy, sexy, talented, ground-breaking and long-lasting. There’s not a single song of theirs that I dislike. And so, after 5 years of trying to see them live, I finally got to see them. And while I can’t say it was worth the wait (since that would mean I was glad I didn’t seen them earlier), I can say that they didn’t disappoint me.
They TOTALLY rocked the joint. Lenny Kravitz was a great opening act, and Aerosmith blew me away. Hearing “Dream On,” “Sweet Emotion,” “Livin’ on the Edge,” “Walk This Way” and “Cryin’” live was amazing. Seeing Steven and Joe strip off their shirts and strut around like they were on a catwalk was awesome. Plus, Emily & I got within 10 feet of the band! While they didn’t take us backstage, we have high hopes for next time. Because we will be going back.
5. The Complete-Lack-of-Originality Line: For Halloween one year, Emily & I dressed up as devils. Multiple – multiple – guys responded to this by saying, “Are you girls devils? Then D*MN do I want to go to hell!” Real original, fools.
4. The “Are You Kidding Me?” Line: While visiting some friends at a different college, this guy started hitting on Em, saying, “So… where are you staying tonight? Cuz… you know… I have a bed. A big bed. I’d share with you.” I immediately fell off my chair laughing. Literally.
3. The Completely Idiotic Line: Again, with Emily, this time at a bar in Boston. Some drunk fool is hitting on Emily, and I, being in a crappy mood, am horrified that he’s anywhere near us. Plus, his idiot wingman is trying to talk to me about something stupid and boring. I hear the drunk segue from telling Em he likes her hair to asking, “I like the gap in your front teeth. It’s sexy. Did you have that put in?” Who even thinks this? Scarred by his stupidity, we fled to the safety of the bathroom.
2. The Borderline (or not so borderline) Racist Line: I have had way too many guys start conversations with me by asking if I’m Asian. While this is annoying, I can usually laugh it off. However, one guy responded to me by saying, “Don’t lie to me, girl. I know you know how to make fried rice.” Jack*ss.
* As an addition to this category, a friend of mine was recently asked, “Are you black? Really? What kind? Like, African or Regular?” I swear I’m not making this up.
1. The Insulting Lines: Three weeks ago, I had a guy approach me, talk normally for a minute, then tell me that I’d look better if I did something with my hair. To which I responded, “Well, you don’t have to look at it” before I walked away. What is with this new approach? I’ve read about it all over the place, and I’m horrified that there are girls out there that fall for this crap.
I don’t agree with most of Chuck Klosterman’s new Page 2 column. But he hits the nail on the head when he talks about Brett:
…the sex boat situation still bothers me. And it bothers me because the Vikings are football players. When Minnesota beat the Green Bay Packers 23-20 that week on a 56-yard field goal, and the Fox cameras cut to a close-up of Daunte Culpepper kneeling on the ground in prayer, I found myself disgusted. This felt like a travesty. You see, Brett Favre would not have been on that sex boat. I know this. I know this because BRETT FAVRE JUST LIKES TO PLAY THE GAME. BRETT FAVRE JUST WANTS TO GO OUT THERE AND THROW THE OLD PIGSKIN AROUND THE OLD BACKYARD. AND YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES BRETT FAVRE HURTS YOU, BECAUSE BRETT FAVRE TAKES A LOT OF RISKS. HE’S A RIVERBOAT GAMBLER! BUT YOU CAN NEVER FAULT BRETT FAVRE, BECAUSE BRETT FAVRE LOVES TO PLAY THE GAME. BRETT FAVRE WOULD PLAY FOR FREE. IN FACT, IF THERE WERE NO OTHER OPTION, BRETT FAVRE WOULD TAKE OUT A SMALL BUSINESS LOAN FROM A LOCALLY OWNED BANKING INSTITUTION AND PAY THE NFL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO THROW THE FOOTBALL TO THE LIKES OF DONALD DRIVER, BECAUSE BRETT FAVRE EMBODIES A DYING MYTHOLOGY WHICH SUGGESTS THAT THE ICONS OF A SOCIETY CAN REPRESENT (AND AT TIMES TRANSCEND) THE HIGHEST VALUES OF THAT SOCIETY IN A WHOLLY ALTRUISTIC CONTEXT. DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT BRETT FAVRE LOVES TO PLAY THE GAME? WELL, HE VERY MUCH DOES….
I love Brett Favre. And I love Chuck for managing to define what it is that makes Brett great.
Last night I was sitting at The 21st Amendment with some friends, when some 80s song came on. As I sang and danced along, my friend Skippy dryly asked, “How the hell did people in the 80s get laid with this music?” To which our friend Dan said, very simply, “Coke. Lots of coke.”
I almost fell off my seat laughing.
And with that, I wish you all a great day.
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