Archive for September, 2005
You know how they say, “Your biggest regret won’t be things you’ve done, but those you didn’t do”? Well, here are my Top 5 Regrets. Most are things I’ve never done, but some are things I did do, so “they” are clearly not always right. Oh, and all 5 are from college, because that’s the time that everyone makes the stupidest decisions (and, not so coincidentally, has the most fun):
5. I always wanted to be arrested for public intoxication – I figured it would be easy enough to do; would be simple time (I understand they just make you sleep it off); and would be a great story. Sadly, this didn’t happen in college, and now I’ve outgrown the desire. I blame the Providence Police, who made it too easy to get out of bars that were being raided when we were underage (which was fine, since I didn’t want to be arrested for underage drinking), and then left us alone once we turned 21. Lesson: Get drunker.
4. Hanging out with a basketball player for 15 minutes my freshman year. My roommate wanted to make out with some basketball player, her visiting friend was already making out with some recruit, and I stupidly (and drunkenly) agreed to go back to the guys dorm with them. Obviously there was another b-baller there, “Sabertooth,” who proceeded to scare me senseless. After 15 minutes of him trying to make me hook-up, I fled the scene (after my roommate threw up on his floor). Sabertooth then took it upon himself to tell everyone I banged him (I was still a virgin). He and his friends also made obscene phone calls to my room for the next month. Lesson: NEVER hang out with basketball players.
3. The summer between sophomore and junior years, I broke a guy’s heart. I don’t regret breaking up with him, as he wasn’t the right person for me, but I DO regret the way I did it. I was too immature to deal with the situation, and was basically the world’s biggest bitch to him. Afterwards, I felt so guilty that I sank into a slight depression, and refused to leave my couch for a full week. Lesson: There’s almost always a better way to handle things than being a bitch.
2. I thought I was in love with a guy in college. He broke my heart. He begged for another chance, so I gave him one. He broke my heart again. He came around again. And broke my heart again. Thank god I finally learned my lesson and told him to leave me alone when he tried to come back the third time. I could have saved myself 2 and a half years of trouble. Lesson: If a guy treats you like crap or doesn’t respect you, don’t give him a second chance to do the same thing.
1. Going off the pill for 2 months in college. There is NOTHING more terrifying than a pregnancy scare. Lesson: Condoms break.
Helen, my boss would like to thank you for distracting me for a good hour yesterday. After many, MANY, changes, here it is… my very own South Park character:
And I am obsessed with Poop’s latest venture – can this man do no wrong?
I stayed home sick from work today (stupid cold), and have managed to balance my checkbook, pay my bills, and tool around online for hours. I’ve also watched hours of daytime talk shows (better to watch those than risk getting hooked on a soap) and seen tons of commercials, and I have a few thoughts to share:
* The new Martha show was pretty entertaining. Ever since getting out of prison, she’s been so much less intimidating – softer, somehow. I wonder if someone made her their b*tch in jail….
* I saw The View for the second time ever today, and was pretty entertained when they discussed the female orgasm with a sexpert (some old lady) and James Spader. I also enjoyed seeing Sheryl Crowe and Lance Armstrong, who seem awfully cute together. However, Star and the pregnant lady host are horrifyingly annoying, and Barbara Walter’s face looks a little “done,” which is weird. I can see why this show is popular – it feels kinda like you’re sitting around with a bunch of girlfriends.
* I loved Tony Danza on Who’s the Boss, and I loved him on his talk show. He’s so much like my dad (and all Italian dads, really) – funny but stern, and always talking about food. I just want to hug him.
* A whole slew of commericals for personal injury lawyers (“Get the cash YOU deserve!”) and medical assistance careers. All badly acted, depressing, and hilarious.
* Family Feud is now hosted by Al? From Tool Time? Bizarre. And I think people are getting dumber – the topic was “blood-suckers” and a woman said “a praying mantis.” Then her daughter guessed, “fish?” I almost fell off my chair.
*Oprah is on now, which I’ve only seen a couple of times before (one was luckily the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes moment); Brooke Shields is on right now, following up on her first post-partum appearance. She looks really good…. And now I’m wondering about the allegations of Britney suffering from this…. Ooh, Wynona Judd is on later! While I may not agree, I can totally understand why numerous polls show that if Oprah ran for President, she’d win.
Ah daytime TV. Keeping me from accomplishing anything worthwhile today.
5. Creating my avatar (a tiny cartoon me) was ridiculously entertaining. No, it doesn’t look anything like me, and I dressed it up like a cheerleader (which I never was, despite my dreams), but it was kinda like playing Barbie. Or, for guys, probably more like playing the PS2 Tiger Woods’ Golf video game….
4. We created an all girls league, which makes it completely un-intimidating. No guys to yell at me, “What? You don’t remember who won the 1982 Superbowl? How can you call yourself a football fan?” Plus, I’m learning a lot about players that aren’t on my “real” team (the Packers, of course), which makes me feel smarter.
3. Because we’re a small league (only 6 teams – we couldn’t find more girls that love football enough to do this), we all have totally awesome teams. So, for the most part, we don’t have to deal with players that stink (except for the friend that drafted players almost solely on looks), and we all get a lot of points.
2. When the Packers are sucking (all season, thus far), I can try and focus on the fact that at least my fantasy team has a good defense. This kept me from jumping off a bridge last week when the freakin’ BROWNS kicked the Packers’ *sses. Ugh.
1. POSTING! It’s like posting on blogs, but with a smaller group of people; or like IMing, but less annoying! We can talk about football, who the hottest football player is, how geeky we are for doing this, about boy cooties….
Now I have to go pick my starting line-up for this weekend’s games.
Most of the time, chick magazines like Cosmo and Glamour make we question the sanity of my entire gender. How on earth do articles like “How to make him hot in bed,” “Firm up your abs in 5 days!” and “Jeans for your body type” actually help people? I mean, I knew all the sex/abs/jeans tricks by the time I was 16, well before I was even dealing with any of the issues! There’s nothing new here!
In spite of the fact that I know that I will get nothing good out of one of these magazines, I still occasionally convince myself that I need to read one. It’s brainless fun, and since it takes longer than 15 minutes to read, a WAY better deal than the gossip magazines like US Weekly and In Touch. But, they always end up leaving me feeling unsatisfied, as well as stupider than I was before I read them.
That’s how I feel today. I finished off the last Glamour last night, put it down, and immediately had to go bed to get the ridiculousness out of my head.
Ugh. From now on, I’m sticking to Jane.
I saw a commercial last night for the new show called How I Met Your Mother (or something like that). I have no idea what the show is about, but in the preview, Doogie Howser said, “This is totally going in my blog!” I might watch the show just to see what that’s about – is that lame?
Anyways, whenever anything cool happens, I always think that same thing – “I am so posting about this.” But this usually happens when I’m drunk, and since my memory is crappy anyways, I never end up posting about whatever it was that happened. This time is totally different – I managed to hold myself at the just-pleasantly-drunk-enough stage all night, so I actually remember everything. And there is just too much to post about from Alexis’ fabulous 25th birthday party – I’m assuming she’ll post about it later. What’s that? Oh, you want to know my favorite moments? Well… okay, twist my arm:
*Becoming grand-mistress-of-the-world at Twister
*My Strawberry Shortcake shades
*Being put in charge of Alexis’ cell phone, and pretending to be her when people called
*Trying to figure out how to hang up the adult pinata
*Handcuffing myself to Ali and having her break free
*Watching people make out and making fun of them with Poop
*Watching Ali get wasted and start throwing yo-yos at the building next door
*Being yelled at by a VERY drunken Alexis
*Throwing a paddleball at some guy when I couldn’t get it to work
*Helping kick a keg
*Throwing a hula hoop at someone
*Dancing to early 90s music
*Drunk dialing friends that couldn’t be there
*Arguing with the tall Swedish basketball players (I don’t remember what about)
*Watching Nikki fight with some guy in a white windbreaker who was hitting on her
*Watching the couple that was having tantric sex on the Twister board
*Staying up until 5:30 am for possibly the first time in my life (not including all-nighters in college)… and not getting tired at all
*”Just give me 2 seconds to take a 5 minute power nap…”
Today, I’m going to force you all to read about… the Top 5 Reasons I Love The OC.
5. There hasn’t been a night-time soap opera this compelling/addictive since… ummm…. the early years of Melrose place. Every week there’s a cliff-hanger, and just when you think they’re about to go overboard, they pull back a little bit to focus on the people. I know that someday they’ll go far (all shows of this type do), but so far, it’s GREAT.
4. They don’t bore you with the same old “bad guys” all the time. Sure, Julie Cooper-Nichols is always there (and she is pure evil!), but they also throw in random ones. We had Cal Cooper for a while, Ryan’s brother, the evil water-polo players, Sancy’s slutty ex-girlfriend, the porno guy, the slutty coke-head, the crazy guy that was obsessed with Marissa… you get the idea. And now, they’re giving us a spoiled-bratty-evil-rich girl who is clearly crazy, and a weirdly demonical Dean of Discipline. There’s no time for boredom in the OC.
3. This is the first show I’ve ever seen that makes you care equally about the parents/adults and the kids. I think that’s what makes the show so balanced – the ridiculous drama of the kids vs. the more real drama of the parents. And these parents – god, who wouldn’t want Sandy and Kirsten for their parents?
2. A talented cast playing cool characters. Unlike 90210 and Melrose Place, this show has legitimately good actors. With the notable exception of Mischa Barton (who, while she looks about 1,000 times better than she did last season, can’t act her way out of a paper bag), every person on this show is great. I’m especially fond of Peter Gallagher and Rachel Bilson. And of course, I LOVE Adam Brody.
1. I love, love, LOVE the sense of humor this show has. They make fun of themselves, their show, Laguna Beach, Spiderman, politics, religion, etc., and they do it without being mean or petty. I would admire any show that took itself with a grain of salt, but when it falls into this genre where most others would take themselves too seriously, I especially love it.
OC – thanks for making my Thursdays “Must-See TV” again.
Go to Google.
Type in the word ‘Failure’ in the search box.
See what the first thing to pop up is.
I called my sister on Saturday afternoon, to see how she’s doing over in Oregon.
After saying hello, my sister asked, “So are you still with that guy?”
“Yeah, we just got a new apartment together.”
“So how long has it been?”
“How long have you been with him?”
“Oh… umm… two and a half years now.”
“Geez, that’s a long time. Are you breeding yet?”
(delayed response, as I was shocked into silence) “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW! That’s gross!”
She’s always loved to mess with me. I miss it.
So there I was, checking out my daily blogs, when I stumbled across HelenDamnation’s post. As I’ve said before, I love lists, so I was oh-so-entertained to read about her current favorite songs, things she can and can’t do, etc. But then… THEN – she tagged me. Apparently there’s some kind of “meme” thing going around – it seems like a blogging game of tag, although I’m not really sure. Anyways, since I adore Helen, and I like lists, here you go:
Songs I’m Fully Digging Right Now
These are getting played over and over and over on my iPod
* Standing outside the fire, Garth Brooks (I don’t care if you like country or not, this song is amazing – “Life is not tried, it is merely survived, if you’re standing outside the fire”)
* All you need is love, The Beatles (I love the Beatles, and this is my current favorite – “All you need is love… doodoodoodoo”)
* Maxwell’s Silver Hammer, The Beatles (Possibly the funniest song of all time – “Bang-bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer came down, upon her head – dootdootdootdoot – Bang-bang Maxwell’s silver hammer made sure that she was dead – ohh ohh ohh”)
* Gravel, Ani DiFranco (This is my fave Ani song, and was my theme song for a while in college – “You may be able to keep me, from ever being happy, but you’re not gonna stop me from having fun”)
* Wide Open Spaces, Dixie Chicks (Just straight up fabulous – “Who doesn’t know what I’m talking about – Who’s never left home who’s never struck out – To find a dream and a life of their own – A place in the clouds a foundation of stone”)
7 Answers to 7 Questions
7 things I plan to do before I die:
1) Learn to make my dad’s fabulous red sauce.
2) Move back to California.
3) Own a beach house.
4) Learn to speak French.
5) Travel to Europe. And Africa. And Australia.
6) Get a puppy! Get lots of puppies!
7) Get a driver’s license.
7 things I can do:
1) Speed read. Or at least read really really fast.
2) Make great chili.
3) Forget to return phone calls.
4) Inhale a brick of cheese in 30 minutes.
5) Shotgun a beer.
6) Kick down a door while wearing stilettos.
7) Tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue.
7 things I cannot do:
3) Stop eating carbs or cheese.
4) Carry a tune in a basket.
5) Drink gin.
6) Handle my alchohol.
7 things that attract me to another person:
1) A fabulous sense of humor (especially if it’s a silly sense)
2) Good taste in basketball teams
3) Gorgeous eyes
4) A great butt
5) A love of reading
6) Messy hair
7) The ability to tell when I’m joking
7 things that I say most often:
1) “It was hilarious. HILARIOUS.”
2) “You’re a movie!” (or some variation of “You’re a some-word-that-you-just-said”)
3) “What? I couldn’t hear you.”
4) “Sh*t!” or “F*ck!” (I’ve been told I swear like a sailor)
5) “Are you freakin’ kidding me?”
6) “Is there anything more important in life than being really-really ridiculously good looking?”
7) “I don’t think golf counts as a sport.”
7 celebrity crushes (in order of importance):
1) Brett Favre
2) Matthew McConaughey
3) Natalie Portman
4) Taye Diggs
5) George Clooney
6) Ashley Judd
7) Adam Brody (well, actually Seth Cohen, but whatever)
7 bloggers I want to do both of these thingies:
5) I would have put Helen here, but since she tagged me…
6) Ummm… I don’t have 7 blogger friends.
7) Is that sad?
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