Always Anna

Last night, in a completely random conversation that ranged from the Family Guy to monkeys to queefs, the topic of breast feeding came up. I mentioned that, as a feminist, I think I’m supposed to support public breast-feeding, but I can’t really bring myself to do it. I don’t think it’s gross (although, since I’m scared of babies, I do find it scary), but it’s not something that I need to see. So if you have to (or want to), all I ask is that I don’t have to see it – just cover your breast with a blanket or something.

Anyways, imagine my surprise when I saw that a company is now processing breast milk for use to treat preterm babies. And there are milk banks, where women donate breast milk! I swear, technology lets us do some crazy things.

And that’s my random thought of the day.

Peace out.

Alexis is a loud and crazy girl. If you know her, you already know that… and if you don’t know her, but read her blog, then you probably already know that too. Her recent post about having a soundproof room got me reminiscing about my experience living with Alexis. For your entertainment (and my own, of course), I submit the following story:

Senior year of college, we had 8 girls living in a three-family house. Lex & Ali lived on the third floor; Emily, Nikki & I lived on the second; and Kate, Siobhan & Alicia/Erica lived on the first. Having the 8 of us in one house was awesome – we had a blast, and our parties were awesome. The fun and excitement is mostly what I remember… well, that and the hysteria that ensued when Alexis hooked up.

As I said, Alexis is loud. And excitable. And one night, these traits came together to entertain/horrify the rest of the house.

On the night in question, Emily, Nicole and I heard loud noises coming from upstairs. At first, it was just muffled shouts. This progressed into rhythmic banging that shook our entire floor, and made it clear the activity was sexual in nature. The noise was coming from the back of the apartment, directly above Emily’s room. This was Ali’s room… but Ali wasn’t in town that weekend. At first, we wondered who would be hooking up in her room.

As the shouts got louder and more clear, we heard, “Aaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Papiiiiiiiiii! Oh, oh, ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Right theeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre! Harder! Harderrrrrrrrrrrrrr! MOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRE! AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” Okay, I completely made that up – I don’t remember what the exact shouts were. But they made us realize it was Alexis up there, acting like a porn star. The three of us stood in Emily’s room, laughing at the screams that came from above, and watching various knick-knacks bounce around from the shaking. As the banging got louder and faster, we tried to escape by going down to visit the first floor girls. No luck, we could still hear it down there – two floors away!

So, we returned to our apartment, which continued to shake. We laughed about it, and Nikki grabbed a broom to bang on the ceiling. This did not seem to have any effect – I don’t think they could hear it over Alexis’ moans. At one point we heard a loud crash, which did not seem to be a big deal since it didn’t stop the action. Eventually, after what seemed like forever, things subsided into silence.

We later learned that the loud crash was the destruction of Ali’s favorite lamp (feel free to comment on this, Ali), and that Alexis thought she had a good reason for hooking up in Ali’s bed (feel free to explain again, Lex). For me, it pretty much capped off my college experience with Lex, and is now my FAVORITE story to tell about her.

And now I’ve told you.

6. When the woman across from you in the communal dressing room suggests you look for one of those new swimsuits that work like a girdle.

7. When reason, negotiation and fury have failed.

8. When he seems to think that paying for a plate of $8.95 pasta and half a bottle of Merlot entitles him to a night in your pants.

14. When you’re up against the kind of guy who tells you ot get him some coffee, black, and make sure his cup is clean, darlin’.

17. When you keep telling yourself it doesn’t matter, you shoudn’t say anything, just rise above it, show her you’re not as small-minded as she is – but it just keeps bugging you.

19. When an uninvited and unwelcome hand finds its way to your butt.

22. When you try to talk to him about something upsetting he’s done, and he tells you to stop being such a bitch.

H*ll yeah.