Always Anna

Here’s a shocker for you all – New England weather sucks. And Boston’s sucks most of all.

This morning, The Weather Channel informed me of today’s forecast:

Considerable cloudiness with occasional rain showers. High 72F. Winds NNE at 10 to 15 mph. Chance of rain 60%. Rainfall around a half an inch.

Hmm… that’s funny, because it’s been pouring ALL FREAKIN’ DAY, and has been hovering in the mid 60s. We have at least a couple of inches so far, and have been issued a flash flood warning. Fabulous.

I keep repeating in my head, “Self, remember how cold you were last winter? At least this is better than it was in January. And at least it was nice last weekend….” But then I realize that it’s SUPPOSED to be nicer than it was in January – it’s July ferchrissakes, not November. And summer is supposed to have sunshine and blue skies, and preferably be dry, so I shouldn’t need to feel grateful for what should be normal. Sure, this is better than freezing to death… but it’s ridiculous that the weather is so bad that I need to be thankful for the 15 nice days a year.

Why am I living in New England again?

Had a great weekend mourning the approaching collapse of all liberal things that I hold dear. After lounging on the beach, eating a lot of meat, drinking a lot of beer, and doing a tiny bit of shopping, I have managed to push (almost) all thoughts of politics out of my head. Almost.

However, I’m not going to regale you with stories of the weekend. I’m sure most of you had similar experiences. Today, I’m going to whine about how much I hate – HATE – the new Destiny’s Child single “Cater 2 U.”

In addition to sucking, I think the song is completely offensive, and sends an absolutely appalling message. So, I’ve decided to let you know what runs through my head when I hear this song or see it on MTV. Lyrics are from www.seeklyrics.com, and my thoughts are in pink italics next the line.

[Beyonce]
Baby I See You Working Hard
I Want To Let You Know I’m Proud, what the hell is going on in this video?
Let You Know That I Admire What You Do
The More If I Need To Reassure You,
My Life Would Be Purposeless Without You I’m sorry… you need a guy to have a purpose in your life? Lame.

If I Want It (got it)
When I Ask You (You provide it) YOU PROVIDE IT? B*tch, go out and get it yourself!
You Inspire Me To Be Better
You Challenge Me For The Better Did she really just rhyme better with better? Who wrote this song?
Sit Back And Let Me Pour Out My Love Letter

Let Me Help You
Take Off Your Shoes
Untie Your Shoestrings Ummm… who the hell WANTS to do this? Sh*t, the only time I offer to take off my guy’s shoes is if he’s too drunk to take them off himself
Take Off Your Cufflinks
What You Want To Eat Boo?
Let Me Feed You Hell, I’m staying barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen anyways
Let Me Run Your Bathwater Is she singing to her son? This is getting a little twisted – too much of a “mommy” fetish, if you ask me.
Whatever You Desire, I’ll Aspire Umm… great….
Sing You A Song
Turn My Game On Because after taking off your shoes, feeding you, and running your bath, I’m TOTALLY in the mood
I’ll Brush Your Hair
Help Put Your Do Rag On
Want A Foot Rub? I’d only offer to do this if I was getting one in return. Actually, I still wouldn’t do it. Feet are scary.
You Want A Manicure? Hello – this is what salons are for!
Baby I’m Yours
I Want To Cater To You Boy UGH!

[Chorus]
Let Me Cater To You
Cause Baby This Is Your Day
Do Anything For My Man
Baby You Blow Me Away I think I’m going to hurl
I Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much More Slippers? What am I, your freakin’ golden retriever?
Anything You Want, Just Let Me Cater To You

Inspire Me From The Heart,
Can’t Nothing Tear Us Apart
You’re All That I Want In A Man;
I Put My Life In Your Hands Because god forbid you take care of yourself?
I Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much More Not again…
Anything You Want,
I Want To Cater To You

[Kelly]
Baby I’m Happy You’re Home, Maybe this verse is better…
Let Me Hold You In My Arms
I Just Want To Take The Stress Away From You
Making Sure That I’m Doing My Part … doesn’t look like it.
Boy Is There Something You Need Me To Do
If You Want It
Say The Word Please tell me this song is a joke
I Know Whatever I’m Not Fulfilling
Another Woman Is Willing WHAT? So do whatever he wants because otherwise he’ll leave? D*mn, all I have to say is good-f*cking-riddance. Who the hell wants a guy that would leave you because you aren’t in the mood one night? And how on earth to they think this is the kind of song that young girls should be singing?
I’m Going To Fulfill Your Mind, Body, And Spirit

I Promise You I’ll Keep Myself Up ohmigod
Remain The Same Chick
You Fell In Love With I can’t deal with this
I’ll Keep It Tight,
I’ll Keep My Figure Right because clearly you have nothing to offer except for your freakin’ body.
I’ll Keep My Hair Fixed,
Keep Rocking The Hottest Outfits Yeah, I’ll still be wearing hot-pants when I’m 50 too. That’s hot.
When You Come Home Late Tap Me On My Shoulder,
I’ll Roll Over ARGH! Are you freakin’ kidding me?
Baby I Heard You, I’m Here To Serve You F*ck these girls. Clearly your needs aren’t at ALL important.
If It’s Love You Need, To Give It Is My Joy
All I Want To Do, Is Cater To You Boy

Chorus again, then Michelle’s verse, at which point I’ve already tuned out, too angry to keep listening.

Obviously you need to be giving in a relationship, and doing nice things for your boyfriend is fine and dandy. But setting up the expectation or belief that this is what a woman needs to do to keep her man – because if she doesn’t, some other woman will – is one of the most appalling things I’ve heard. And it’s coming from the girls that previously sang about being “Independent Women”! Have they changed their minds? They’d rather ask a guy to give them things than provide for themselves?

I’m not going to lie, I’ve never really liked Destiny’s Child. But I’ve never had beef with them either, until now. And with garbage like this coming out of their mouths, I’m really freakin’ glad that they’re disbanding.

And, in a nice prelude to Independence Day, I now have something even more terrifying to think about than the 2008 elections… the upcoming Supreme Court battle.

Sandra Day O’Connor, I’m going to miss you. You rocked.

Now I have to go drink away my worries about Bush’s nominee…

Happy freakin’ Independence Day. I’m not feeling particularly patriotic right now.