Always Anna

Okay, so this town is full of perverts. What the h*ll has happened to men that they think it’s okay to rub themselves against girls on the subway (happened to me yesterday) or spout obscenities while following a girl down the street (this morning). Didn’t they ever learn any better? Has this ever actually paid off for them? Freakin’ pervs.

Ugh.

Well, in spite of this nonsense, nothing can bring me down today. I’m going to see Ani D at the Orpheum here in Boston, which is a GREAT venue. It’s pretty small and intimate, and the way it’s set up ensures there’s not a bad seat in the house. Just the place to see a rock goddess.

Ani ROCKS – this’ll be the third time I’ve seen her, and I’m not even a “concert person.” She’s one of the few musicians that I think is actually better live, and one of the few who manages to make the show worth the price of the ticket. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing her.

On top of my excitement about seeing Ani, “Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” opens this weekend! I’ve been a HUGE fan of this “increasing inaccurately named trilogy” ever since I read Hitchiker in high school. Thanks for recommending, Jenni! This movie really looks like it’ll be a great adaptation of the book – while it may not follow the book exactly, it seems like it will be true to the ideas behind the book, and true to the characters. Plus, since Douglas Adams was involved in writing the screenplay before he passed away, I have a lot of faith.

I can’t wait for this weekend to start!

Today, my boss told a story about a friend of hers who got in line behind a tall guy at a small market here in Boston. She thought he looked familiar, so she kept stealing looks at him, trying to place him – cute, well built, hair poking out from under his NY Yankees cap – when it hit her. It was Tom Brady. The Patriots Quarterback! Oh my god! Oh my god! The… NEW ENGLAND Patriots QB. Essentially, the BOSTON Patriots. Why on earth did he have a Yankees hat on? She got a little fired up about this, so she tapped him on the arm and rudely asked, “Hey Tom. What’s with the hat?” To which he replied, in the same tone of voice, “I like the colors.”

I love football. Love it. Sure, I love the Packers more than anyone else, but usually, I don’t have a problem with respecting my rivals. For example, I have nothing but respect for Donovan McNabb, Peyton Manning, LaDainian Tomlinson…anyone, really, who isn’t a jackass and loves the game.

But I loathe Tom Brady. First he does a Gap ad – a freakin’ NFL QB shilling blazers instead of sneakers? Loser. And now, a professional athlete, wearing a hat because he likes the colors? Come ON! Grow a freakin’ sack, Tom, and wear the hat of the team you supposedly root for. What the HELL is wrong with him?

And he’s NOT cute.

Apparently the cost of living now outweighs the benefits.

To arrive at their conclusions, study directors first identified the average yearly costs and benefits of life. Tangible benefits such as median income ($43,000) were weighed against such tangible costs as home-ownership ($18,000). Next, scientists assigned a financial value to intangibles such as finding inner peace ($15,000), establishing emotional closeness with family members ($3,000), and brief moments of joy ($5 each). Taken together, the study results indicate that “it is unwise to go on living.”

Hmmm. I wonder how I measure up…

Anna’s Monthly Cost of Living

Costs
Monthly rent – $700
Utilities – $200
Debt payments (credit cards, student loans) – $450
Food – $400
Booze – $350
Random Shopping Trips (ex. Target, malls, Borders) – $500
Fear of how screwed up our government/environment/social policy is becoming – $500
Total – $3100

Benefits
Monthly salary, after taxes – $2300
Brief moments of joy (est. 3 per day, at $5 each) – $450
Inner peace (I think I’m totally innerly peaceful, so $15,000/12) – $1250
Emotional closeness with family members (Maybe not as close I could be, so let’s say $2,000 per year, which is…) – $166.67
Total – $4166.67

Woohoo! I can go on living for now….

Toby says, “Let me out of this pot!”

There’s something so disturbing about people eating their pets. And I can’t decide if it’s more or less disturbing that someone is now bribing people to stop him from eating his bunny.

I think the whole thing is pretty funny – this dude’s responses to his hate mail are great, as is the recipe section. But, then again, I don’t really like rabbits that much (especially white ones, with their demonic red-rimmed eyes), so maybe that explains why I’m not offended. Besides, I’ve eaten rabbit before, so I can’t throw stones at this guy. Especially since he swears that should he kill Toby (he’s still $25,000 away from his goal, with just over two months to get there), it would be humanely/professionally done.

Maybe I’ll buy one of the T-shirts….

In spite of the fact that I had to come to work an hour early this morning, I was in a pretty good mood on my walk in. Today has gorgeous weather, and I have on such a cute spring outfit – it’s hard to fight when that’s the case. But then, as I entered Downtown Crossing, the crazy homeless guy accosted me.

This guy is CRAZY. He wanders around the area between the Park Street and Downtown Crossing T-stops, yelling at the top of his lungs, “Got any spare change? ANYONE got any spare change?” Add to this the facts that his voice sounds like a person from an anti-smoking commercial (you know, that has to talk through one of those robotic voice boxes), and he waves his arms around like a freakin’ windmill, and you get a pretty scary guy. I’ve always managed to avoid him (and since I always give all my change to Michael, I don’t feel bad), but this morning he got up in my face and asked, “Can I walk with you?”

I was a little weirded out, but didn’t want to be a bitch, so I just smiled and half-nodded. Here’s our conversation:

Are you married?
No. (Half smile)
Do you gotta boyfriend?
Yup.
Do you live with him?
Yeah.
So you get lots of sex then.
(I look at him in horror)
I know you do, with those big titties. (He rambles on for a minute about my body, while getting closer and closer to me)
(I regain my faculties, and look at him with horror) Are you fucking kidding me?

At this point, some guy in a business suit hears what’s going on, and comes over and yells at the guy to get away from me. The crazy man wanders away, and the business man asks if I’m okay, to which I mutely nod yes. Then I think to thank him for his help.

Okay, I know he was crazy, and I keep trying to get it out of my mind. But I feel so dirty now. Ugh. Hopefully I can avoid him tomorrow.

Yesterday, I heard from an old high school friend; he had read this blog, and wanted to let me know that he enjoyed “seeing me.”

So I read your blog…it made me happy. Happy because I laughed out loud at what you write about and it made me remember what an intelligent and charismatic girl you are. Sometimes i see how much i’ve changed in the last six years [since we've seen each other]. Reading your blog, however, even though not knowing much about your life now I can still see you.

I was so happy to hear from him, and glad that it was this site that made him get in touch with me. But it got me thinking – does “Lucky Luciano” really show who I am?

I was inspired to start blogging after I became obsessed with AlexisT. I started reading her blog because she’s one of my best friends, but I became obsessed because she so clearly shows who she is on hers – her blog IS her. She’s so honest and open, and so freakin’ funny – reading her blog is like having a conversation with her. I don’t know if my space here does the same thing. So far, I’ve been recording my random thoughts here, which is really entertaining to me… but I don’t know if it actually shows who I am. My college AOL site did a good job of representing me, in all my cheesy college girl glory… but I don’t really want to go back to something like that either.

I guess I just need to keep working at it. I figure as I do this longer, I’ll get more comfortable – more myself.

I did something completely shocking this weekend… I DIDN’T GO ONLINE!

At all. Not once. It was completely crazy. CRAZY.

As I gallivanted around Connecticut and Boston this weekend, shopping, eating, gambling, barbequeing, and, of course, drinking, thoughts ran through my head about the emails that were surely piling up in my inbox. I found myself thinking, “I wonder what Alexis is up to? Maybe she’s hanging out with Yummi? And I wonder if other people are laughing at Poop’s cleverness. Has Aeki Tuesday been to a show this weekend? I hope I’m not missing anything fun that Christie has found online…”

I think it’s a little strange that I don’t even know most of these people, but I am worried about missing something in their lives. Bizarre.

At any rate, I doubt that this will ever happen again, unless I am, for some reason, cut off completely from a computer. Or am in a coma. Hopefully neither happens anytime soon.

I’m obsessed with Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve had at least a bottle a day… and as someone who doesn’t even LIKE soda, that’s quite an accomplishment.

I’m not going to lie, a huge part of it is the commercial.

Mahna Mahna
Do doo be-do-do
Mahna Mahna
Do do-do do
Mahna Mahna
Do doo be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!

Of course I love this song. And of course I go around singing it at inappropiate times. But I just found out that it’s from The Muppet Show… which makes me love it even more.

Mahna mahna… do doo be-do-do… Mahna mahna…

I don’t miss him. At all. So stop asking me.

I’m glad that he’s happy with his new partner, and that he’s doing well in Florida. He’s having the best year of his life? Good for him. But stop saying that I’d be better off if he’d stuck around – I wouldn’t be.

Shaq didn’t give a crap about being on the Lakers. He didn’t make any effort at all the last two seasons, instead acting like a slow, fat baby. He put off getting surgery on his toe (and knee) until the start of training camp, saying, “I got hurt on company time, so I’ll rehab on company time.” This is a guy that gets paid milliions of dollars to play a game? Then, when he finally did show up to play, he didn’t even try. He wandered up and down the court, apparently thinking that there’s no running in basketball. In short, he acted like the Lakers should be grateful for his presence, and ignored the fact that we needed his game.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Shaq is a great player; a deserving future hall-of-famer that has contributed a lot to this sport. And he may very well deserve the MVP award this year for the way he turned Miami around. I’m psyched to see him play tomorrow night in Boston (yeah, I’m going!). But he wouldn’t have been like that in LA. He didn’t care about being on the Lakers.

As for Kobe – the Lakers did the right thing in trying to keep him happy. This doesn’t mean that I think he should have all the power he has now – no player should be in charge of a team, in my opinion. But, it is true that Kobe will be the cornerstone of the future Laker’s team, and I think that he can lead them back to greatness. BUT, he can’t do it alone – no great player can. He needs a great coach (I want Phil back!) and a great team that knows how to play together. This team didn’t – it was all new, young players that don’t yet know what it takes to win. They need time to grow… and a big man.

But not Shaq.

Pamela Anderson, appearing on Howard Stern this morning to plug her new Fox show Stacked, said that the network censors have come on the set and ordered that her nipples be ‘taped down’ because you can’t have nipples before 10 p.m.

Hmph. If you can’t have nipples before 10 p.m., I’m in big freakin’ trouble with the FCC. I “smuggle peas” on a regular basis… and I’d venture to guess that impressionable children have seen them! And since I have yet to find a bra that can contain them, I guess I shouldn’t be allowed to be around children.

This is just another example of how ridiculous the FCC and conservative government have gotten since Nipplegate. Personally, I don’t think the “flashing” was that big of a deal, but I guess I can understand that parents were upset. But I’ve yet to hear of ANY case where censorship was a good idea. And now fully clothed nipples are obscene? Why don’t we just make all women cloak their bodies in kaftans and hijabs, so that stray knees, elbows, and lips don’t offend anyone?

Besides, hasn’t everyone hasn’t seen Pam’s nipples already?