Wingman
March 3rd, 2005
“This chick’s rockin’ your bro on the dance floor. But she’s towing an anchor…A junior investment banker. Who’s talkin’ about herself and not much more…Oooooh…so buy her a beer, its the reason you’re here…..Mighty Wingman! You’re taking one for the team, so your buddy can live the dream: Wingmaaaaaaaaaaaan!”
That commercial was the BEST beer commercial I ever saw, and I wish Coors Light would bring it back. Since I won’t hold my breath on that, I guess I’ll just have to rely on my memories.
Anyways, as a retired wingwoman, I found it hysterical that you can now “wing-it” online. “The Virtual Wingman,” acts like a good buddy that will tell the guy/girl you’re interested in how cool you are - you just give them some information about yourself and your intended, and they craft and send a pick-up email for you. Thinking that this sounded like a great idea, I decided to have The Virtual Wingman hit on my boyfriend for me.
After struggling to decide what category to put my man in (I ultimately decided to say we’d hooked up before), and then replying to the Wingman’s confirmation email (after all, it would suck if you could just put anyone’s email information in there, right?) telling him that I did, indeed, need his services, I settled in to wait for the email. A day later, The Wingman CC’d me on the following email (with my deletions/edits/comments in parentheses):
“Life, we probably don’t need to tell you, is more than the chaotic interaction of like-joined particles with other like-joined particles. It’s that chaos — constantly roiling — that turns into symmetry and ultimately creates… well, dammit, the fun.
Let’s take one Anna, for example. (Personal information deleted here. I don’t want any stalkers!) Need we say more? Okay, we will.
She also lists The Beatles and Ani DiFranco among her favorite musical acts, and the Wingman is getting the feeling she isn’t dwelling the pop stylings of Help! We’re guessing she’s White Album and Sgt. Pepper’s all the way…
But from the chaos comes the symmetry. Can you guess what her idea of the perfect date is? (This is none of your business.) Can you think of anything more Norman Rockwell? Anything so much less than chaos?
Anna may seem hard to fathom, but dammit (you don’t need to know his name!), she’s a 24-year-old girl making her way in the paradox that is Boston. She may claim to be a marketing goddess, but to us that screams, “Help! I’m stuck in some corporate hell just waiting to be rescued.” And the reward for the man who makes this rescue? Well, we think you know first-hand just how fun she can be.
(This first sentence referred to my perfect date.) But take our advice, (name again), you probably don’t want to wait for the weather to warm up before you heat things up with Anna.
Just a tip from your friends at The Virtual Wingman!”
FABULOUS.
